The Satsuma Man

Richard Wright and Eudora Welty

2006-06-28T14:04:00.000-07:00

Rw: Germany and Argentina are playing on Friday.
Ew: Germany's going to win that one.
Rw: Are you getting up? Will you get me a beer?
Ew: I'm not getting up.
Rw: Are you mad for some reason?
Ew: No.
Rw: ...
Ew: Hey, here's that kid coming up the steps.

Knock Knock

Rw: I'll get it. (opens door) Hey, man. How's it goin?
Jay: Hey, are yall watching the World Cup?
Rw: Yeah, come on in.
JL: Cool. (Lugs wheeled cooler behind him toward kitchen).
Ew: Hey how many of those do you have? Give me one.

(Jay gives Miller Light to Eudora, puts cooler in kitchen, then joins the other two in front of the tv.)

Rw: Brazil is unbeatable. Ronaldo is unbeatable. Just watch the way he moves.
Ew: Yeah, but they're playing Ghana.
JL: You got plans for the fourth?

Knock Knock

(Richard gets up and looks behind the curtain)

Rw: It's Frank Melton.

(Jay hides his beer)

Ew: Don't do that, don't do that. We are watching the World Cup in my home and there is nothing wrong with having a beer. Richard, let him in. (Richard lets him in)
FM: Hi Richard, hi Jay, Miss Welty.
Ew: Well hey Frank.
FM: Hi Miss Welty. Are you watching the World Cup?
Ew: Yes, come on in. Have a seat.

(Jay shakes his head at Eudora)

FM: I don't have cable so I can't get it. (Sits down) Brazil will win this one for sure. Brazzilliamundo.
Rw: Hey Frank, watch Ronaldo. He puts this spin on it and it bends it.
FM: Ronaldo is a smalldo. Hey Miss Welty, you got a kangaroo in your yard!
Ew: What? A kangaroo!

(Jay shakes his head again at Eudora)

Ew: Oh. Well. That's good Frank. We like kangaroos.
FM: Kangarootetoos. Hey did you hear there were 82 arrests on the Bogue Chitto?
JL: So, what are you doing on the fourth? Who's having a cookout? Eudora, lets have it at your house this year.

(Tires screech outside, footsteps, the door is thrown open, a large man yells)

FRANK!

(Frank jumps up, does a karate chop, runs out the door, tires screech again, Jay downs his beer)

JL: Whew.
Ew: I think that's a good idea Jay. We'll have the fourth over here.

The three have drinks and talk and watch Brazil v. Ghana for a while. Then, after about thirty minutes, a voice comes from the window, and there is a shadow behind the curtain.

Voice: Heeeyyyyy Eee Dubya. Heeeyyyyy Eee Dubya.

(Richard pulls back the curtain and there is a stuffed kangaroo sticking up over the windowsill)

Voice: Heeeyyyyy Eee Dubya.

(the kangaroo hops down the windowsill and you can see the hand holding it)

JL: Ignore it. Richard. Just ignore him. He'll go away.
Rw: Frank! We know it's you Frank.
Voice: Heeeyyyyy Eee Dubya. I'm a kangaroo. I'm a kangaroo in your yard.

(the kangaroo continues to hop, but Richard lets the curtain fall back.)

Ew: What are we going to do about him?

I've learned how to post pictures

2006-01-30T22:01:00.000-08:00

And what fun it promises.

Question

2006-01-24T20:19:00.000-08:00

In my spare time today I was thinking about the rankings of things, and I was trying to come up things that use the numbers 1-10 as their highest rank. I couldn't come up with anything for 6-10, at least to my satisfaction. And I didn't come up with anything for 3, to my satisfaction, yet I know it's as big as a house.

1. Defcon 1. The highest defense readiness.
2. Thumbs up.
3. ? (piece suit, tick tac toe, triathalon) these aren't rankings.
4. Star hotel, restaurant
5. Cat hurricane or tornado.

Wallace Stevens vs. Steve Jobs

2006-01-23T19:23:00.000-08:00

Anecdote of the Jar

I placed a jar in Tennessee
And round it was, upon a hill.
It made the slovenly wilderness
Surround that hill.

The wilderness rose up to it,
And sprawled around, no longer wild.
The jar was round upon the ground
And tall and of a port in air.

It took dominion everywhere.
The jar was gray and bare.
It did not give of bird or bush,
Like nothing else in Tennessee.

Anecdote of the iBook

I placed an iBook in my apartment
And square it was, upon my desk.
It made the slovenly room
Surround that desk.

The room rose up to it,
And spralled around, no longer clean.
The iBook was square upon my desk
And flat and it had an AirPort.

It took dominion everywhere.
The iBook was white and spare.
It did not give of book or whataburger bag,
Like nothing else in the apartment.

The month of steaks

2005-12-06T07:40:00.000-08:00

It has been a month. What have I discovered? I have discovered the best sleeping position for a bachelor with a queen sized bed and two pillows. Here it is:
1. Take the pillows, lay them flat at the head of the bed, but instead of the traditional horizontal rotation, rotate them vertical. They are still flat, but they are not touching. They are in "up and down" position.
2. Push the tops of the pillows together until they "kiss". The "kiss" position has only the top inner corners of the pillows touching.
3. Now when you lie down, you put your neck over the "lips" of the kissing pillows.
4. Raise your right arm and cluch the "hat" of the pillow on your right. Your elbow will be bent, and also your wrist will be bent.
5. Your left arm lies flat underneath the pillow to your left (the constrast between right arm over pillow and left arm under pillow is essential).
6. Now slightly bend your left leg and rotate that foot 45 degrees. The right leg stays straight. Cover is optional.

I suggest you print this out and take it with you into the bed if you intend to try this. It is how I have slept for the last month.

Ballad of Frank Melton

2005-11-08T10:53:00.000-08:00

When Frank Melton was a boy, he helped his grandmother in the garden. One day he was picking butterbeans a few rows behind his grandmother, and a snake poked it's head through the leaves. It said:

"Frank Melton, follow me Frank Melton. Stop pickin those butter beans, and follow me. I wanna show you somethin."

Little Frank stared at it. He said. "I ain't followin no devil. You just go on back, cause I already knows you the devil."

"I aint no devil Frank Melton. I'm snake. I'm a snake Frank Melton. Put that bucket down. I wanna show you somethin."

Frank grabbed the snake by the neck and pulled it out of the vines. "I told you mean ole devil, but you ain't gone listen. I'm gone teach you. I'm gone clean you up." Frank took the snake and tied it up to a tree limb and finished helping his grandmother. His grandmother asked him: Was that the devil? Frank said yes mam, and asked her what he could do to teach the devil to behave.

She said: "You caint fix that devil, but if you take him by the tail and slig him round and round your head, he'll give you three wishes." Frank went over and untied the snake. He grabbed it by the tail and slung it in a circle around his head. "Lemme go Frank Melton. Quit it quit it! Lemme goh,woh,woh,woh", the snake yelled. Then Frank's grip slipped and the snake flew threw the air toward his grandmother. She screamed. The snake landed in her hair and dug into it. The snake said:

"Frank Melton, I'm gonna bite your grandmamma if you don't do what I say. You hear?"

"Alright Devil. Alright Devil."

"You can't live here in Texas no more. You too much a cowboy. You got to leave right now."

"Alright Devil. But one day I'm gone find you again. And I'm gone sling you around my head and you gone let me back in Texas. You hear devil. You caint keep a cowboy outta Texas and that is the bottom line."

"Git on Frank Melton."

Well the rest is history. Frank still lives in Texas and spends a lot of time there, so he basically lied to the devil, but hey, it's the devil.

oahaahhhaaaoaahhaaaaa

2005-10-12T16:07:00.000-07:00

I know you're tired of hearing about my dreams, and frankly I'm tired of mentioning them, because I don't like hearing them any more than you do. But this one I've got to tell you because, well, you'll see. It was at the edge of the woods, and me and Robert Redford were sitting on a picnic table talking. I remember telling him that the end of The Natural is the only part in a movie that makes me cry. He was sort of surprised, but happy. Then he got up and went over to a tree that had a rope hanging from a limb. He started swinging. I noticed that it had two ropes. So I went over and started swinging (ps I did this a lot in first grade in my best friends back yard). So we swing. He climbs up the rope. I climb up the rope. Then we climb around in the tree. NOTHING HAPPENS. I know what you're thinking. But then he loses his grip and falls about forty feet smack dab on his head. The dream is over soon after that. Okay. Now real life. The next day I take a quick lunch and spend the rest of the lunch hour at Borders, browsing. I pick up a book called Cinematic Storytelling. I'm flipping through it, and swear to god, what do I see there but the following: a picture of Robert Redford, smiling, leaning his arm against a tree - a tree which had a rope tied around it and the length of the rope stretched upward out of the frame of the picture. What Tha? I almost fell out right there in the bookstore. It was a picture from Out of Africa explaining some camera technique (which I didn't read and which I should go back and read). But is that not extremely weird? What does this mean?

History of the Mississippi State Fair

2005-10-07T10:30:00.000-07:00

The fair has a long and relatively unknown origin here in our state. In 1859, ten years after the gold rush and two years before the civil war, our then governor Ed Wesley Jenkins decided his re-election campaign needed a boost. He sent telegrams to all neighboring states asking if they would send their worst toothless criminals to Jackson to be put on "display". The neighboring states gladly complied. Our governor then had barred cages constructed after the sort he had seen on plantations and in "zoos". He lined the field under the Capitol with two rows of twenty cages, and put a criminal in each cage with his crime listed on a sign by the cage. Jenkins sent word to churches all around his state: come bring your congregations and let them see how Satan can verily corrupt the souls of the unrepentant. People came in droves. The gov. gave a loud speech warning that the end was at hand and only a strong stick could weed from our garden the sinners you see here. That stick was he, Ed Wesley Jenkins. Vendors sold rotten vegetables to throw at the criminals. Tickets were sold to see who could hit the criminal on the head with a baseball. It was such a success that it became a tradition with the same convicts coming back year after year. They developed followings. "I wanna see Johnny Lee Mathers the rapist!", little Robbie would exclaim. Eventually the cages turned into chains, eventually the chains turned into ropes, ropes to a roped off area, then the roped off area to merely a guard standing watch. "Let's put them to work!" commanded the next governor Eugene Collins Summer, and it is from this genepool that we get the delightful drunks in our bars come October.

twitter and thump

2005-09-27T10:43:00.000-07:00

I have taken the tylenol cold. So that gives me about two hours until I run screaming from my chair. It's impossible to describe what it does to me, but it does something like set my hypothalamus on fire. Tonight at the big book club my eyes will be wide open and I'll be saying yeah, yeah, yeah real fast over and over. Oh at lunch I watch Starting Over which is a hoot. There was this couple getting counseling and they were talking about finances. The wife handled most of the money issues, because she didn't trust the husband. The husband was crying and through the tears he said "You're killin' my juice. You're killin' my juice." I almost spewed my soup out. Then I cried because I understood what a great country we live in.

coke machine holdout

2005-09-14T16:33:00.000-07:00

I know you listen to the Rural Voices Radio at exactly 8:19 am every weekday morning on MPB. Well beside that fact that it sucks and is an embarrassment to the most significant literary state in the union, there's another thing I've noticed. That the quality of the essay is proportional to the age of the writer. I have never heard worse crap noise than hearing a teacher write about rustling leaves or the whispering wind and how we all need to keep our heads up. It makes me want to jump headfirst off a table onto a concrete floor. I can't believe anyone that has the least interest in our language or any one book could write that. Now. All that said. If you can get over how cute and sweet and almond eyed sounding these kindergarten kids voices are, then you can appreciate some of the Japanese simplicity of what they write. Of course they don't mean to, but it doesn't matter. It's twice as good as what their teachers write.

You must go home again

2005-09-10T11:45:00.000-07:00

I saw an episode of 60 minutes not too long ago that had a segment on a plant grown in Africa that staves off hunger. Leslie Stahl talked to a businessman that's trying to grow this plant there. It's a hard plant to grow, but he's coming up with creative ways to grow it etc. She ate a piece of the plant while they were walking around, and she said she wasn't hungry the rest of the day. This is great I think. I also think oatmeal is a little like this plant. I know it's carbs, but if you get the raw oatmeal (not the instant) and eat a bowl of that in the morning, it takes a long time for your stomach to break it down. It's what, 2:00 right now? and I'm not hungry. I ate the oatmeal about 9 this morning, and I haven't had lunch. I expect though to be hungry soon. The problem about oatmeal is two-fold. First when you put it in the microwave, you have to put a paper plate on top of the bowl and underneath the bowl, because the oatmeal volcanoes up. The plate on top stops it from getting on the top of your microwave, the plate on bottom catches all the oatmeal that spills over. The other problem is that oatmeal is stronger than superglue when it dries on your bowl. You can not even scrape it off with a sharp knife. I of course run water into the bowl before I jet out the door, but sometimes parts of the bowl don't make contact with water, and that spells trouble.

NTDF

2005-09-09T16:13:00.000-07:00

If you are ever stranded in a car in the snow, I think people can track your cell phone. If you are ever stranded outside your car with your keys in the ignition, you should get something to eat and wait until your stress level goes down. I mean I hate it when I lock my keys in my car. You would think that cars would be driving for us by now, but no, we still need keys. I saw this thing in popular science about airplanes and how they will be able to travel by charged particle propulsion. You down with the CPP? Yeah you know me! Ionic propulsion.

Freud

2005-08-22T19:00:00.000-07:00

I watched The Machinist. It's the one with a skinny Christian Bale. I can't tell you it was a good idea to watch it when I did, which was on an empty stomach. It made me nervous and I might have freaked out a little in my mind. But I tried to remain as still as possible on the bed, so as to not disturb any part of me that wanted to go back to being calm. I was just saying to my mind "Hey man, it's just you and me." Oh whatever, I am not disassociating myself from myself like in the freaking movie. However, in the dream I had last night, I floated down to the foot of my bed where and saw myself already down there, sitting cross legged. I sat in front of myself and looked me good in the face. Yep, that's me, I thought. Then I got scared because I sensed someone behind me and a thick hand reaches around on my forehead like he's checking my temperature and a warm man's voice says: "Get out of your head." Then the hand moves to my chest and he says "And into your health." Then I think I scared myself awake. First off. I was surprised in the dream that the man said "health". I remember imagining he was about to say heart, or life. But health? It's weird sounding, but it gets the point across.

Concrete and barbed wire

2005-08-21T16:15:00.000-07:00

I sat there at Moes and the two tables beside me were taken up with college boys and working men and then on the tv a spaceship shows up. We were all watching it. The space shuttle sat on the back of an airplane. It was being transported. And nobody was saying anything or eating for a few seconds. "She's got a ticket to ride" played over the restaurant speakers. These things don't happen every day, and I knew that while it was happening, but still you can't stop these things or even interfere with them. Then the moment slipped away, and I went back to my burrito.

Pops around the corner

2005-08-10T12:44:00.000-07:00

Today I ate lunch with my dad at Bill's Produce. If you combine Fannin Mart, Cindy's Catfish, and Mike's Trading Post, you get Bill's produce. I had meat loaf with tomato gravy, and boy howdy. The past two times I've eaten there with my dad, he has taken his pencil out of his shirt pocket and drawn on the table to explain a point. Today I asked about conventional foundations. I was just wondering why so many houses out in the country have them, and newer houses don't. He explained that concrete wasn't as available in the smaller towns, and a lot of times carpenters didn't know about setting the steel in the slabs, and the plumbing was easier to manage. Then he drew diagrams on the countertop.